Frank Punito's "living-quarters" for over 8 years

This video has been viewed 1002 times in 3 months (5 December 2007)

Video 2

Shows the lack of regard, care or consideration for their father!
(5 December 2007: This video has been viewed 430 times in 4months)

Human Rights
The United Nations Principles for Older Persons (only 2 are listed here)
Older persons should be able to enjoy human rights and fundamental freedoms ................ full respect for their dignity, beliefs, needs and privacy and for the right to make decisions about their care and the quality of their lives.
Older persons should be able to live in dignity and security and be free of exploitation and physical or mental abuse.
Definition of Emotional and Psychological Abuse (United Nations E/CN.5/2002/PC2)
Emotional or psychological abuse, or chronic verbal aggression, incude words and interaction that denegrate older individuals, are hurtful and diminish their identity, dignity and self-worth. This abuse is characterized by:
(a) lack of respect for the older person's privacy and belongings;
(b) lack of consideration for his/her wishes;
(c) denial of access to significant person; and
(d) failure to meet the person's health and social needs. In dicators of emotional abuse can include severe psychological manifestations including fear, poor ability to make decisions, apathy, withdrawal and depression.

Did Frank suffered psychological and mental abuse? You be the judge as you read on.
In the Name of the Mother:
Frank went to dinner dances with X. Apparently, friends or acquaintances informed the estranged wife. Frank was told by his daughter, "Why can't you go somewhere where you two can't be seen by those people."
Children told him "ensure X doe not visit the property". (Mum gets upset on seeing X)
At family functions -- seating arrangements for Frank and his friend -- the other end of the hall and away from his family.
The property settlement (censored) However, it can be said that their demands, on behalf of their mother, shocked everyone.
NEGLECT:
They could have helped to get him out of his Unacceptable "temporary quarters". They did NOT.
They visited him 5 times in over 8 years!
Granted that the children love their mother. However, in all the things mentioned in this saga, where is the consideration for the father's rights and needs. Even if they disliked the father for whatever reasons, WHERE ARE HIS BASIC RIGHTS AS A HUMAN BEING. If you have seen the photos of his living quarters for over 8 years (See 'Video Page'); you would wonder why they didn't do anything to help him get out of that situation. Especially, when they need not spend a single dollar towards the care of both parents. Frank's hardwork, clever investments and maintenance of assets saw to the financial needs of himself and his ex-wife.
"Quality time with the grandchildren"
Frank used to look forward to seeing his grandchildren. He loves them but it seems that the "quality time" was a ploy for baby-sitting. Why? Frank never get invited outside the few hours on a Friday.
It breaks his heart, but he no longer wishes to see his grandchildren. At the time of writing Frank still has not got a decent home to have his grandchildren over. And, he does not wish to see his children.
According to Frank, he got told off by the daughter all the time.
e.g. "don't buy the kids any more books." Frank forgot and let slip, when asked by the grandchild whether she could keep a book, --- "your mother does not want me to get you books." For that, He was told off. (She is supposedly interested in inter-generational communication!)
Once Frank asked a trusted friend to meet him at the daughter's property (where he was baby-sitting the grandchildren) to look at a generator that belongs to Frank. He received an email signed by both the daughter and son-in-law telling Frank NOT to bring anyone they do not know on to the property. Reason given: they feared for their children's safety. Frank was hurt and felt that they did not even trust him.
The grandchildren were often left with the grandmother. Frank believes that certain things that should not be said to the young children were told to them by their grandmother.
Frank would often be questioned by his 6 year old granddaughter: (e.g:-)
"You don't love my grandmother." "Grandmother said she wanted you back but you refused. Why?"
"Has X (Frank's friend) got a husband?" (this question was also put to X). "Why doesn't she come to see me anymore?"
"You forgot my brother's birthday. Mum and uncle said you never gave them toys!" (NOT TRUE -- according to the uncles)
On those occasions when he was asked the above questions by the grand-daughter, Frank could only say, "You'll understand when you grow up. Please don't ask me again".
There must be some concerns about why their 5/6 year old child seemed occupied with the question of whether someone has a husband. Concerns also for what the mentally-ill mother's influences have on the children. It appears that the children are left with the grandmother frequently and on a regular basis.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that. But, surely there must be some thoughts about their mentally-ill mother's influence on the children when they are left by themselves with the grandmother. Not so much about the possibility of her harming the children physically, but what she keeps telling the children about Frank and his friend X. And, whatever other inappropriate matters that the children should not be told.
The Son
The son has the power of attorney for his mother. Frank often has to ask him to counter sign documents for various investments or property. According to Frank - he often would not sign nor return the documents on time. As majority of the assets, investments or property are in joint-names with the ex-wife, Frank must get the son's signature and agreement on anything relating to them. Frank was getting very frustrated re "...having to to chase up those matters with him."
Frank was extremely hurt that he was not told by his son about his then impending marriage. He learnt about it from someone else.
There was another occasion that X has also witnessed that was unbelievable and hurtful to Frank.
The son and Frank arrived at the carpark of a church - for a wedding. The son was just parked in front of Frank. They got out about the same time. The son looked at him, then turned around without saying a word or even a wave of acknowledgement of the father. A son could NOT recognised the father at such close range?
Family dynamics is a complex issue even for experts in this area. Of course, Frank has his faults. However, what these two adult children have done to their father over the last 8 to 9 years is unbelievable and inexcusable.

HE CHOSE INDEPENDENCE NOT NEGLECT

The Long Fight

It has been a long fight for Frank to gain access to a decent home. The property settlement is over. Details cannot be revealed here but if allowed, it would take up another few pages. The ex-wife has moved out of the front and bigger part of the matrimonial home. It would take several more weeks or even months for Frank to renovate the place before he can call it a proper home.

Frank would like to answer some of the criticism of him in this saga:
Why didn't he move to another house?

As mentioned earlier, for almost 40 years, Frank has been working from his home garage. Inspite of his age (77 years old) he keeps himself fit. He loves his trade. Although, these days, he does only the occasional jobs to keep himself distracted from the emotional pains. Therefore, the matrimonial home is more appropriate for him than for his ex-wife. Even his ex-wife's relatives had told Frank so. The other reason is that Frank had put hundreds of thousands of dollars in term deposits just so that his children could have the money "on call" to buy their mother an alternative accommodation. Therefore, in order to find another house for him before the property settlement would mean selling another investment property. That was not a good move as Frank wanted his investment portfolio to remain as it was so that after the settlement, both his ex-wife and he would have a good and steady income stream to support them for the rest of their lives.

Why has he stopped seeing or communicating with his children?

It is not difficult to understand his decision. He cannot understand why his children did what they did the past 8 to 9 years. Since Frank moved into the crammed quarters behind the matrimonial home, his children had only visited him less than 5 times. Communications between father and children were reduced to occasional emails. He never get invited to his children's homes. And, there were no phone calls to enquire about his health even when they knew he had to go for medical procedures. X, Frank's friend, assisted him in all those but they never once phoned her. (Early in the saga, the daughter had said that as loyalty to her mother, they did not care to get to know X). The long legal process of the property settlement left Frank cold and stunned.

He was also greatly hurt by the regular visits by his daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren to the front of the house (where his ex-wife lived ) but he was NOT visited. Sure, Frank's "living quarters" are not appropriate for a visit by his grandchildren. Is it difficult to ask the father to come out to see the grandchildren when he is just at the back of the house? BUT, ignoring him as they did is inexcusable. One would be curious to know how they explained to their kids as to why they couldn't see their grandfather on those occasions. Imagine Frank's hurt, every time he hears his grandkids in the front of the house, but he could not see them.
What happened to Frank over the last 8> years has left him stunned, disappointed and ashamed. He thought he has a family. What would you have done in these circumstances.
Why has he stopped seeing his grandchildren?

Frank cannot bring himself to go to his children's homes and he still has NOT got a decent place where he could have his grandchildren over. And, the constant questioning by his 6/7 year old grandchild about his relationship with his ex-wife, and other inappropriate matters left him very, very uneasy. A child of that age should not be doing that. Frank loves the grandchildren. It is too upsetting for him. (You can imagine his pains in this decision).
Why didn't he make a speech at the son's wedding?

He was NOT told about the wedding by the son. He found out through a 3rd party. He was still shocked and upset about the meeting with his children just about 6 weeks before the wedding -- Where he was told to move out within 3 months. He felt he was "kicked out" the second time.

What Now?

The property settlement is over at last!

Frank is busy trying to renovate the house. This will take several weeks or even months.

He has said that he felt strange as he walked from his crammed quarters to the rest of the house (where his ex-wife previously lived in). "I feel like a prisoner who has just been freed after many years locked up in his isolation cell".

Sure, Frank will have to try to forget what has happened to him. It won't be easy.

Well meaning friends and relatives would say, " Forget about it. Don't talk about it."

Easier said than done.

What would you have done in his situation? It's amazing this man is still alive!

Frank has "lost" his family. The one thing that he had worked so hard for. He thought he did his best for his family.

His dignity has been stripped from him. He feels ashamed.

He is emotionally and psychologically traumatised. Perhaps you can leave Frank some comforting words of encouragement.